:eek3: MEN Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff. Adam - cute, funny, chicks dig him, well hung but very caring. Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons. Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women. Alex - cute and short but a liar and a cheat. Alistair - annoying brother who grunts on phone! Amir - dirty, smelly, pecker is minuscule. Andrew - gay and has a small pecker. Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain. Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee. Arnold - loser. Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate. Barry - lights fires, pinches girls bottoms and is well hung. Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games. Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands. Brad - thinks everyone likes him...but they don't. Brandon - good looking but uses girls. Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time. Brett - world wide slut and really insensitive, women love him. Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, no he's not the Messiah he's just a very naughty boy. Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell. Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name. Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce. Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week. Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini. Cameron - Australian. Carl - thinks he's funny...he's not, falls asleep during sex. Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive. Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies, no real person has that name. Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together. Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too. Christian - very sexy and seductive. Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'. Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial. Cole - nice, funny, and fun to be around. Colin - lies to women and blows up public buildings. Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines. Craig - tries to fit in - he never does. Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way. Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics. Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid. Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice. Darren - charming , but sleeps with men. Daryl - smells bad, has no real mates David - hotty and works out a lot, loves girls named Florence. Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter i.e. a w**ker. Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick. Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot. Derek - has a great sense of humour, and blow-up doll collection. Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please. Don - dickhead. Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts. Drew - bad-arse loser who never shuts up. Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago. Dylan - horny. bastard, who can't sing. Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name. Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get cos he's an arsehole. Elliott - full of himself. Eric - shy. Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and model mental patient. Frank - "different" - missing DNA - favours girls named Lucy. Fraser - sucks pigs dicks & swallows the lot. Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight. Gary - drug addict but willing to share. Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men. Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace. George - barman who drinks more than he serves. Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth. Greame - very hard to understand, likes group sex. Graham - will screw anything. Grant - HORNY! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything. Greg Harden - or 'hardon' well name says it all really - really sweet and feels sorry for himself. Harry - covers his back. Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs. Hathem - smooth, but very manipulative, not to be trusted around young girls. Haydn - tries hard. Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography. Ian - really popular but knows all the girls want him...yeh right!!! Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies. Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk. Jamie - scum of the earth. James - built like a horse. Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well. Jeff - really ugly. Jerome - gay, but very unhappy. Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is. Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on. Jack - stupid but hot, always alright. Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection. Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head. Joel - arse. John - has no friends or life - tends to kill small animals. Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual. Jonathon - think he's good - he's sh*t. Jordan - sexy but weird in bed. Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites. Josh - full of himself, fun. Junior - hotty and totally good at football. Justin - aggravating but lovable, insecure but successful. Kain - the sexiest guy alive but very stuck up. Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends also has a large penis, really nice to women. Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse. Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be. Kurt - can kick anyone's arse. Kyle - hornball who eats too many cornchips. Larry - cute but wannabe player with big arse. Laurey - short and funny looking. Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit. Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a t**ser. Lyndon - can always be found in bed or in the pub. Liam - loud mouthed arsehole. Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold. Lucas - fat loser that dates other men. Luke - seems to be sweet. Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers. Mark - wished girls liked him for who he is not his great looks, mouthy bastard though. Bill - the fat boy of the class, likes sweets and is full of sh*t. Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl. Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse. Mohammed - small penis Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb. Nick - nice - can't get past the missionary position though. Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed. Oliver - likes men but is in denial. Oscar - loser. Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs. Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk. Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in gays. Peter - cutie but very shy, makes women feel like virgins. Phillip - stupid idiot who wishes he were cool. Rhys - great lover but had his mind stolen by aliens a long, long time ago. Richard - can't see his feet as balls are too big Ricky - ugly sh*thead who everybody hates. Rikki - see above. Rob - constantly watches porn. Roy - total loser and computer genius. Richard - Looks 22, when really he's 31. Has a big shiny horn. Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud. Russell - likes to play in the leaves which makes him an arsehole. Ryan - short but sexy body and even sexier mind. Sam - wannabe sex machine. Scott - has serious disabilities. Sean - has small testicles and no friends. Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor. Shane - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin. Shannon - the most determined and persevering sweetie in the world. Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him. Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks. Spencer - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster Steve - popular and funny when looked at side-on. Stuart - droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed. Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is. Toby - best blow ever. Tom - cool but can be arrogant. Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around. Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found. Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy. Troy - cute and popular. Taylor - gay. Warren - cool, homosexual guy. Wesley - great guy and easy to tolerate. Will - wishes he were popular. Zach - sweet and polite and adorable. Zahid - devious and sly. Not to be trusted. WOMEN'S NAMES Abi- loves dressing and hunting for owls. Ada - blue haired, smells of wee. Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off. Amanda - I.Q. tends to be smaller than bra size. Probably a good shag though. Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted. Andrea - Small breasts, drinks pints. Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets. Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers. Annette - She's BIG. Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive. Anna - loves hamsters and ceramics, and makes elephant noises. Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points. All fur coat, no knickers. Beryl - Repressed alcoholic. Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp. Bianca - Ginger. Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars. Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society. Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'. Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow. Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears. Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing. Claire - Usually neurotic, gives good head, can have lesbian tendencies. Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA. Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem. Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass. Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm. Daisy - Virgin. Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling. Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck. Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips. Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands. DeeDee - cannot understand why no-one else masturbates in Ikea. Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up. Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society. Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage. Doris - Purple haired, stinks of wee. Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths. Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens. Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth. Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies. Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker! Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass. Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed. Faith - Legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up. Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim. Felicity - She'll stab you with her nipples, plays darts. Fiona - Female mud wrestler, gives head. Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness. Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks sh*te all day. Gaynor - Lesbian. Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying. Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing. Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies. Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking. Georgina - Wants to be a man. Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath. Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs. Heather - Shags like a freight train, a screamer. Helen - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn. Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins. Hilary - Frigid. Holly - Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister. Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed. Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles. Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child. Janet - Massive over bite, no neck. Jane - Babe, I'd drink her bath water. Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats. Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up. Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often. Jessica - Virgin, always will be. Joanne - Moans in her sleep, cant cook, moans when she wakes up! Judith - Big eyes, big tits Judy - Huge tits, married to an arse. Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes. Justine - Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets. Julie - Jabba the Hutt's sister, constantly pregnant. Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit. Kate - see Catherine. Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing. Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke,wears a wig. Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance. Kylie - Can't sing but who cares. Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy. Lara - Action packed, never seen naked. Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive. Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night. Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up. Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking. Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men. Linda - Teenage bride, can swallow oranges whole. Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework. Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn. Liz - Long legged and brainey. Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies Louise/a - Likes to get around, saggy tits. Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad. Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors. Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid. Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous. Maria - Bangs like a barn door. Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY. Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear. Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome. Martina - Ugly lesbian. Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits. Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz. Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S. Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely. Melissa - Eats dogs, been in prison 6 times for burglary. Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise. Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them. Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag. Marsha - Big butt, small brain. Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have. Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver. Nancy - White hair, remembers tanners. Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune. Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing. Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent. Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial. Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years. Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair. Olivia - Neutron bomb. Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic. Pat - Butt ugly lesbian. Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon. Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes men to be stiff. Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar. Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly. Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks. Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact. Romilly - kind, generous, lovely - has to put up with a lot! Rose - Can be prickly, good head giver. Rula - She measures up well. Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up. Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs. Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children. Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged. Sarah - Likes pressed flowers and body piercing. Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills. Sharon - Shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers. Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas. Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce. Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff. Sonya - Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a "carrier" Sophie - Brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset. Stacey - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's. Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect. Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues. Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Tanya - Hot minx, too short. Tara - Upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals. Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less. Tori - Lives in a hedge, can't water ski. Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens. Tracey - Lesbian. Ursula - Likes puppies, in curry. Vaila - there is only one! Vicky- Likes Yoga. And Women. Wendy - Possibly a man. Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon. http://www.jamesarmstrong.com/humor/2003-06-13/2.shtml ahh....that sucks, LOL!