So I have had a really shitty week and was wondering if anybody has any new jokes? Here's one: So this guy is speeding on the way to work and gets pulled over, the cop walks up to the guys window and askes whats his hurry. The driver says I'm in a huge hurry because I'm late for an appointment. The cop says an appointment for what and the man says, well I'm an asshole stretcher and I'm late for stretchin an asshole. The cop is like what the fuck is an asshole stretcher? So the driver says first I start with one finger, then two, then a hand, two hands and pretty soon I'm putting my foot in there and next thing you know I have that thing stretched out to about 6 foot. The cop goes what the fuck do you do with a 6 foot asshole? The driver replies, You give it a badge and a gun.