these two horses walked into a bar...

Discussion in 'The Gutter' started by tomacropod, Aug 19, 2004.

  1. tomacropod

    tomacropod Rum Pig

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    but the other one ducked.

    OUCH !!


    seriously though, the chicken and the egg are lying in bed, the pissed off chicken with arms crossed, saying nothing, and the egg lights up a cigarette and says "well, I guess that answers the question".

    - Joel
     
  2. atypical

    atypical Guest

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    why do mermaids wear seashells?


    Because b shells are too small and d shells are too big.



    Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

    Cause if it had 4 doors it'd be a sedan.


    So this string walks into a bar and says "gimme a shot of whiskey" and the barkeep says "we dont serve alcohol to strings around here". String says "aww c'mon, cant you just gimme one?" Barkeep replies "I'm afraid not, see- you gotta be like us" as he gestured towards the ropes at the bar, "sorry string, afraid not". String heads to the bathroom, pisses all over the place, collects himself and goes back to the bar. Asks again for a shot of whiskey and the barkeep says "I'm afraid not."
    Poor string picks up and heads out down the street, ducks in an alley and frazzles his hair all up and ties himself in a knot. He heads back to the bar, sits down and says" gimme a shot of whiskey". The barkeep says" arent you that string that was just in here?" String replies "I am a frayed knot". Proceeds to GET DRUNK, the end.
     

  3. Fast Fashion

    Fast Fashion Youth in Asia?

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    how do you make a 12 year old girl cry twice?





























    wipe the blood off on her teddy bear.
     
  4. redworm

    redworm ninja pants!

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    So this woman goes to the doctor for a check up and after examination the doc tells her she has an abnormally large vagina, the lady doesn't believe him and goes home, once she gets home she gets out a mirror and sets it on the floor and proceeds to squat over it and look at her crotch, just about that time her husband walks in and sees her and asks what she's doing, well she starts to wiggle around a little and tells her husband she's dancing, he says Oh ok well just look out for that hugh fucking hole in the floor.
     
  5. B1105

    B1105 New Member

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    bhahaha thats funny

    i dont have a joke though
     
  6. Lagerhead

    Lagerhead New Member

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    Rene Descartes walks into a bar and has a beer. After a while the bartender asks him if he wants another beer. He says, "I think not," and disappears.
     
  7. Haukaas

    Haukaas New Member

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    What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -the wheelchair
     
  8. Tanner

    Tanner New Member

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    So a baby seal walks into a club.
     
  9. echoteam13

    echoteam13 Guest

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    ... and starts busting out hid little moves...
    (keep it goin)
     
  10. tomacropod

    tomacropod Rum Pig

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    oh dolphin we've missed you...that shit it POOR !

    so this big-shot downtown lawyer is being driven along in his limousine and he sees a whole family of people by the side of the road, eating grass. He tells the driver to stop, winds down the window and says "hey there, why are you all eating grass?". The father looks up and replies "we are so poor and hungry we cannot afford food, we must eat something". The lawyer ponders this and says "you all must come back to my house, we can't have you here by the side of the road, I'll feed you and you'll feel a lot better. It's the least I can do for my fellow man as I have been so fortunate in my life". So the whole family piles into the limousine and they drive off, the father says "thank you kind sir, for your generosity, we are forever in your debt". The lawyer responds "that's no problem, you'll love my place, the grass is almost two feet high".

    - Joel
     
  11. average mike

    average mike Guest

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    john kerry walks into a bar, and the bartender says why teh long face. Then john kerry punches him in the face. i wrote that one myself.
     
  12. Tanner

    Tanner New Member

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    wtf? :umno:
     
  13. atypical

    atypical Guest

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    God pays a visit to a very good christian one day to tell him he can have anything he wants in the whole wide world. The christian takes a moment and thinks, then tells God that he would like to go to Hawaii. Only problen is, the christian is deathly afraid of flying, so he asks God for a road to be built to Hawaii so he can drive his family in their RV. God ponders the decision for a minute and says he would really rather not build the road, seeing how it would look mighty strange, a road just appearing out of nowhere. God tells the christian to think of something else he really wants. The good christian says he would like to be a better husband to his wife and for his one wish he would like to understand women better. God comes back and asks the christian if he would like that road two lanes or four.

    Joe and Sam were sitting at the bar, downing some brews and hanging out when this guy stumbles up and starts talking some shit. He looked waasted and his speech was slurred and he was falling all over the place, Joe and Sam didn't want any part of this strangers shinanigans so the beat him up and left him in the corner. Joe and Sam celebrate with shots and beer, and before too long they both pass out on the bar.
    About closing time they wake up in a daze and start for the door when they see the stranger and wonder what he's doing all sprawled out in the corner. They look thru the guys wallet and its got an address, so they pick up the guy and put him on his feet but he just crumbles to the floor. They pick him up again and put his arms over their shoulders and have to basically drag him to the car. Joe and Sam arrive at the house address in the man's wallet and get the guy out of their car and prop him up on the hood and he just falls flat on his face. They shake him and he won't snap to, so they go to the front door and knock to see if they can get some help. A lady comes to the door and Joe says they have her husband out by the car and they need some help getting him to the house. She says "well fine, but what's wrong with that retard's wheelchair?"
     
  14. Blackstick

    Blackstick Well-Known Member

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    Whats the difference between a bucket of sand, and a bucket of menstrual blood?

























    You cant gargle sand.

    :)
     
  15. dingus

    dingus Member

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    mmmm, hehe

    have you seen the serial number on condoms? No. You need to un-roll it more.
     
  16. MegamoMidwest

    MegamoMidwest chicago crew

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    wasnt that baby seal thing like 6 months ago?
     
  17. sharpe

    sharpe Guest

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    what's the difference between a piece of shit and george bush? the piece of shit has dignity.
     
  18. durkie

    durkie Member

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    what's the best thing about having sex with 28 year olds?
























    there's twenty of them!*&$ (yeah yeah, doesn't work as well written down)
     
  19. redneck_biker

    redneck_biker Guest

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    Whats worse than hearing you have VD from your doctor?








    Hearing it from your dentist.